I have long held to the statement that I do not believe in regret. In a way, that's inaccurate. Obviously, I have to acknowledge that regret exists. And, I'm certainly not innocent of never having regretted a choice, a decision, an outcome, something done to me, something I've done....
Still, I firmly stand by the assertion that to regret even a single moment in your life is to regret who you are. And I, for one, refuse to regret who I am.
I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be, and I never will. I don't believe in perfection. Frankly, if "perfect" were even possible, I would find it rather boring and devoid of life. Personally, I find that it's peoples imperfections that make them interesting in the first place.
Still, I like who I am, for the most part. I have plenty of flaws. I have to live with having made some bad decisions. I have to acknowledge that I have been; stupid, wrong, even "crazy" on more than one occasion (and I'm not even half way through with my life... hopefully).
But, in the end, I like who I am. I think everyone should give that a try - like who you are. Unless you're Ted Bundy or the like (Hey, there are always exceptions to every realm of thought)
I have done my best to stick to my own principles and ethics, while being open to changes, though I admittedly have fallen short. I have done my best to be a; good friend, good daughter, good wife, good mother, good worker, etc., whenever I felt that I needed to/should be.
When all is said and done, more than one of my "bad" decisions lead to the privilege of being a mother to two gorgeous, sweet, thoughtful, helpful little girls who I couldn't imagine my life without. Other "regrettable" occurrences or choices have resulted in; a deeper understanding of self, the realization of a strength I didn't know I had, a broader range of life experiences (and, therefore, the ability to sympathize with more of my fellow humans), an immeasurable appreciation for the love I share with my fiance...
As difficult as I may find it to live with some of the things I've done or said or experienced... each and every one of those things has brought me to where I am and made me who I am. Each and every one has resulted in an imperfect life that is sometimes depressing, but always blessed.
January 27, 2010
January 24, 2010
Online Personas
When people communicate online, it's difficult or us to get a clear picture of who they really are as human beings. It doesn't mean they aren't being genuine, but we tend to base a lot of our impressions of others on; their tone, the look on their face when they say or do something, how they react to specific situations, etc. And, these are extremely difficult to decipher online (if not impossible).
Still, it seems that it's in our nature to need to come to some kind of conclusion regarding who/what people are.
It's true that some people are not honest about who they are. This can be said of some people in real life, as well as online. Certainly, though, there are plenty of people who are perfectly honest about the people they are and can still give one the "wrong" impression.
I've actually had at least one person, online, think that I'm some sort of hippie that farts rainbows and sunshine everywhere she goes. "Funny" doesn't even begin to describe that reaction to who I am, from my perspective (as well as from the perspective of anybody who's taken the time to get to know me).
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad with being the kind of person who does do that, IF that really is who you are (although, I would feel compelled to assume you're taking some REALLY good anti-depressants or something).
Most people though, myself included, are complex critters. We laugh, we cry, we scream, we rage, we joke or take things far too seriously, we hurt, we hurt others, and so on. Like mood rings, what color we show depends on the situation, our mood, and a variety of other factors.
A person who is truly genuine about their whole self can easily be kind one minute and cruel the next, all depending on the circumstances. That doesn't mean they are being two-faced, it usually means that they are simply being honest about their reactions - not hiding behind a computer screen or trying to "keep the peace" by lying to you about how something makes them feel.
I don't trust someone who is always the same; who always, regardless of circumstance, wears the exact same mask. I appreciate people who are honest about their feelings, their struggles, their strengths and weaknesses, etc. I find them more well-rounded, more full of life, more genuine.
I'm not saying that the feelings of others shouldn't be taken into account, or that there aren't times when perhaps something could or should be sugar-coated. Sometimes, depending on the situation, that may be the diplomatic solution, or the only way to ensure that your point is heard or understood.
Still - I'm not a fan of anal smoke-blowing.
I'm one of those who likes BRUTAL honesty. I want people to say exactly what they mean and mean EXACTLY what they say. No, my reaction may not always be peace and love, but I'll respect you more for your complete disregard for whether or not something you say will upset me in any way. I'll respect you more for being entirely upfront about who you are, what you believe, what you think... And, in the end, we're more likely to become good friends.
Still, it seems that it's in our nature to need to come to some kind of conclusion regarding who/what people are.
It's true that some people are not honest about who they are. This can be said of some people in real life, as well as online. Certainly, though, there are plenty of people who are perfectly honest about the people they are and can still give one the "wrong" impression.
I've actually had at least one person, online, think that I'm some sort of hippie that farts rainbows and sunshine everywhere she goes. "Funny" doesn't even begin to describe that reaction to who I am, from my perspective (as well as from the perspective of anybody who's taken the time to get to know me).
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad with being the kind of person who does do that, IF that really is who you are (although, I would feel compelled to assume you're taking some REALLY good anti-depressants or something).
Most people though, myself included, are complex critters. We laugh, we cry, we scream, we rage, we joke or take things far too seriously, we hurt, we hurt others, and so on. Like mood rings, what color we show depends on the situation, our mood, and a variety of other factors.
A person who is truly genuine about their whole self can easily be kind one minute and cruel the next, all depending on the circumstances. That doesn't mean they are being two-faced, it usually means that they are simply being honest about their reactions - not hiding behind a computer screen or trying to "keep the peace" by lying to you about how something makes them feel.
I don't trust someone who is always the same; who always, regardless of circumstance, wears the exact same mask. I appreciate people who are honest about their feelings, their struggles, their strengths and weaknesses, etc. I find them more well-rounded, more full of life, more genuine.
I'm not saying that the feelings of others shouldn't be taken into account, or that there aren't times when perhaps something could or should be sugar-coated. Sometimes, depending on the situation, that may be the diplomatic solution, or the only way to ensure that your point is heard or understood.
Still - I'm not a fan of anal smoke-blowing.
I'm one of those who likes BRUTAL honesty. I want people to say exactly what they mean and mean EXACTLY what they say. No, my reaction may not always be peace and love, but I'll respect you more for your complete disregard for whether or not something you say will upset me in any way. I'll respect you more for being entirely upfront about who you are, what you believe, what you think... And, in the end, we're more likely to become good friends.
January 23, 2010
The Pregnant Personality
I've come to the conclusion that you can tell what basic type of personality a child will have, by analyzing the personality [changes] of mom while she's pregnant.
With my first daughter, now 7 years old, I was highly - OVERLY - sensitive. Mind you, many of the things I found myself crying over were based on legitimate concerns or upsets. Still, these were things that I would have become ticked off about, or sad without tears necessarily, prior to becoming pregnant. Once I was pregnant with her, forget it!
I literally had to run outside one time, so that I could cry without getting into an argument with my husband over whether or not I was lying about not knowing why I was crying. I had been standing at the stove in the kitchen. I didn't know that I was pregnant yet (at that time, we were under the impression that he couldn't contribute to the production of children naturally). Quite suddenly, I felt the nagging urge to cry. I had no reason to do so that I was aware of; I wasn't upset, sad, angry, emotionally touched, etc.
I knew, however, that if I started crying randomly in the kitchen, hubby would ask me what was wrong. I didn't want to lie to him, and I sincerely don't think I could have thought of anything believable anyway, even if I had wanted to. This was LITERALLY that random. So, I elected to choke it back long enough to step outside, under the guise that I wanted a cigarette.
I thought I was safe. My husband was on the computer, playing a game. And, at the time, having no children around, smoking was allowed in the house if he really felt the need to light up. *Sigh* No such luck. He decided to join me. As I knew would happen, he asked what he had done wrong. When I said (honestly) "nothing," an argument erupted.
Even then, it was almost comical! He was so incredibly pissed off at me for "playing games with him" and I was simply frustrated because I seriously had NO idea why I was crying.
And so that pregnancy went. I cried when I ran out of milk, ON THE WAY TO THE STORE FOR MORE MILK! Frankly, it was pretty ridiculous. Unfortunately, I didn't get a choice in the matter.
My 7 year old is overly sensitive. She always has been. My father and I have actually had conversations, through these seven years, revolving around "how on earth is she going to handle life?" She'll likely always be sensitive, but I think she's learning how to handle the things that upset her progressively better.
When I was pregnant with my now 5 year old daughter, I came out swinging. I was moody; the kind of PMS that makes men hide behind the couch, ready to chuck chocolate bars, for purposes of distraction, and run for their lives! I went from happy to ticked in mere nanoseconds.
Wouldn't you know it - that's how she is! She is a very sweet girl, don't get me wrong. But, her moods are like some little devil is in there flicking a switch on and off! And when she is angry ~ most run for cover.
For quite a few months there, when she was about two, she would head-butt the tile floor during temper tantrums. Getting her to knock that off was no easy task. And, absolutely not joking, she actually did break the tile in one spot.
With this current pregnancy, number 3, I'm not yet sure how I feel. On rare occasions, there is a bit more sensitivity or the like. However, I haven't [yet] noticed any significant changes in mood or personality. Physical changes? Oh, they're prevalent for sure. But emotional changes - not so much.
I'm not sure what that means yet, but I'll find out soon enough.
With my first daughter, now 7 years old, I was highly - OVERLY - sensitive. Mind you, many of the things I found myself crying over were based on legitimate concerns or upsets. Still, these were things that I would have become ticked off about, or sad without tears necessarily, prior to becoming pregnant. Once I was pregnant with her, forget it!
I literally had to run outside one time, so that I could cry without getting into an argument with my husband over whether or not I was lying about not knowing why I was crying. I had been standing at the stove in the kitchen. I didn't know that I was pregnant yet (at that time, we were under the impression that he couldn't contribute to the production of children naturally). Quite suddenly, I felt the nagging urge to cry. I had no reason to do so that I was aware of; I wasn't upset, sad, angry, emotionally touched, etc.
I knew, however, that if I started crying randomly in the kitchen, hubby would ask me what was wrong. I didn't want to lie to him, and I sincerely don't think I could have thought of anything believable anyway, even if I had wanted to. This was LITERALLY that random. So, I elected to choke it back long enough to step outside, under the guise that I wanted a cigarette.
I thought I was safe. My husband was on the computer, playing a game. And, at the time, having no children around, smoking was allowed in the house if he really felt the need to light up. *Sigh* No such luck. He decided to join me. As I knew would happen, he asked what he had done wrong. When I said (honestly) "nothing," an argument erupted.
Even then, it was almost comical! He was so incredibly pissed off at me for "playing games with him" and I was simply frustrated because I seriously had NO idea why I was crying.
And so that pregnancy went. I cried when I ran out of milk, ON THE WAY TO THE STORE FOR MORE MILK! Frankly, it was pretty ridiculous. Unfortunately, I didn't get a choice in the matter.
My 7 year old is overly sensitive. She always has been. My father and I have actually had conversations, through these seven years, revolving around "how on earth is she going to handle life?" She'll likely always be sensitive, but I think she's learning how to handle the things that upset her progressively better.
When I was pregnant with my now 5 year old daughter, I came out swinging. I was moody; the kind of PMS that makes men hide behind the couch, ready to chuck chocolate bars, for purposes of distraction, and run for their lives! I went from happy to ticked in mere nanoseconds.
Wouldn't you know it - that's how she is! She is a very sweet girl, don't get me wrong. But, her moods are like some little devil is in there flicking a switch on and off! And when she is angry ~ most run for cover.
For quite a few months there, when she was about two, she would head-butt the tile floor during temper tantrums. Getting her to knock that off was no easy task. And, absolutely not joking, she actually did break the tile in one spot.
With this current pregnancy, number 3, I'm not yet sure how I feel. On rare occasions, there is a bit more sensitivity or the like. However, I haven't [yet] noticed any significant changes in mood or personality. Physical changes? Oh, they're prevalent for sure. But emotional changes - not so much.
I'm not sure what that means yet, but I'll find out soon enough.
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