January 21, 2010

Love ~ Easy?

The alarm just went off. It's set to blast music so loud that you have no choice but to jump up and make the sound go away.

The song blaring through the speakers this morning was "Yesterday". Don't get me wrong, I like the song. But, since when has love been "an easy game to play"? And, why would you want it to be?

Love is filled with ups and downs, good times and bad times, for better and for worse... as it should be. It can be simple, as in you love someone or you don't, but it should never be easy.

An easy love would be cheap. Expecting it to be easy tends to lead to a cheapened form of "love" where one is prone to disloyalty, to taking off when times inevitably get a little difficult, to never really being able to appreciate and cherish the bond you share with someone.

A strong love, a more complex love, a "true" love is one that can survive even the worst of times. This much more difficult love can withstand petty arguments, serious fights, vast differences of opinion, financial struggles, and so much more. And, at the end of the day, this difficult love is even closer to and more bonded in the relationship.

Over the years, I have found myself in disagreement, even out-right passionate argument, with many friends, lovers, companions, children, parents, etc. I'm sure everyone has, at least everyone who has ever been close to anyone. And, if you haven't been that close to anyone, I highly recommend it.

I told a boyfriend once, "I need you to be able to argue with me," when we broke up. He didn't understand what I meant, thinking that I actually wanted a relationship where consistent fighting was the name of the game. I told him, "It's not that I want to fight with you, but we will inevitably do so, and I need to know that you can fight back and our relationship can survive it without becoming toxic!"

That was back in high school. We did manage to remain friends, even grow closer. We finally did start arguing, two-sided (rather than him just saying "whatever you want, I'll do in order to keep you dear" while I was getting more and more frustrated with the lack of communication about anything potentially controversial). And, today, we're closer than ever, planning on getting married, and I'm having his baby.

Of all the people I have ever fought with, those with which there was a genuine bond have stuck around. Those with which there was real love have become ever closer. And, the relationship has survived, grown, thrived.

Because THAT love was never cheap. THAT love was never "easy". THAT love took work and serious commitment.

Those are the relationships that stand the test of time, grow stronger in the light of adversary, and become the only bonds that matter.

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